I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
