Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
