Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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