My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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