I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
