I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
