Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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