rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
