How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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