I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
