Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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