Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
