I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
