I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
