I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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