I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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