We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
