She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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