Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So apparently I’m into choking now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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