Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
