I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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