Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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