i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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