So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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