Can Purell be used as lube?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
