We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
