hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
