things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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