I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize