Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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