So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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