VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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