I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
