Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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