I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
