Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
