I just cut my nipple shaving
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
