yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
