I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
