she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
