Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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