he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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