I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
