my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
