I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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