gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
