How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
