we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
