I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
