OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
