I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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