K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
