TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
