I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
