So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
