i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
