Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
