I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
