k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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