11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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