Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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