This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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