you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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