By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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