Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
