I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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