i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
