You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
