This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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