so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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