none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
