i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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